Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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