It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
