guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
love makes seman taste better
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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