he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the day after is always just damage control
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
