my cup is half full, half full of rum.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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