a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
MIDGETS
????
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
