ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
