you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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