I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
