that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
