i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
