lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
