so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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