you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
