Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
