So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
