my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
