she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
