I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
