I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
40s are totally the cure
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
