Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
