i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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