So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
