i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
