He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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