Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
