Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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