Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
