CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
