Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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