my vag is so smooth its legendary
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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