Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The air taste purple.
Randomize
