it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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