Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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