You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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