Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
