you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
