Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
