is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just puked most of my soul out..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
