I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This gyro tastes like lonliness
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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