Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
