i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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