OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
