Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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