I hate all girls vehemently.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
