i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
