Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
