im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
