I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
