Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
