Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
they're like a gay fantastic four
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
